1. I have two low-lying dachshunds who like to pretend they need outside under the guise of false poophood, but really all they do is dig holes and hunt moles (successfully….think on that for a bit), which results in these oddish, muddy dirt-mittens that come apart on my floors. When they re-enter the house, they bring with them half the leaves and twiggy crap from the yard, creating a serious second carpet situation in my den. Because I’m cool and have no control issues, I have vacuumed nearly every day for the past month. #dirtydachshunds
2. Busted out my “cat removal spray” (water in a spray bottle…totally harmless) because my cat is a whiny little fiend. I have now instilled in him an irrational fear of smallish spray bottles. Every time I use air freshener or clean the counters, he darts out of the room like hellfire and then takes his revenge on me later by attacking my students with his tuna/dead-body-breath. #businessasusual #morningbreath4life
3. Showed a vocalist how to “sing outside the box” in All I Want for Christmas is You, thus immortalizing the great Mariah Carey, QoD (Queen of Divas). Told her to rely less heavily on the notes on the page (mere suggestions, after all). Diva-Finger-Waving / fake-ear-mic-holding ensued. #soulsista #choirgirlproblems
4. Seriously considered teaching in my pajamas because it’s the last full week of lessons before Christmas break. Let’s be honest….”I don’t give a crap” mode is slowly entrenching on everyone’s way of life and will be in full swing by this time next week. Instead, I begrudgingly upgraded to my fat jeans and a less-ratty sweater and resigned myself to declaring this week pajama week next year. #goodenoughforjazz.
5. Told a student that I only shower every other day and wash my hair every three days because it’s better for my hair and skin, but sometimes it’s a struggle not to look homeless. #toomuchinformation #dryshampoo4eva