This week’s funnies are inspired by true studio interactions. Enjoy.
Studio Statements: Things That Were Said This Week
1. RESPONSIBILITY REPORT
After prompting a parent to return a signed studio handbook / informational form:
Parent: Oh, I meant to have his dad sign this, too. Screw it. I’m the responsible parent.
2. DO-DO DUNDERHEAD
Me: can you find your way to ‘do’? Sing do.
Her: (highish) do. (lower) do. (sliding around some) do-ooohh. ::fades way, stops:: Where the hell is do?
Me: you tell me. :::gestures grandly toward piano:::
3. COOKIE DOUGH QUALM
(Regarding raw cookie dough) Her: why put it in the oven when you can put it in your mouth?
4. TOO-SOON COINCIDENCE
Me: direct your eyes up this way when you sing. Think of it like a 15 degree angle. :::accidental hitler arm gesture, followed by awkward pause:::
5. MISHEARD MISHAP
From a 5-year-old piano student, on deciding what to perform at a group lesson:
Me: what do you want to play tomorrow?
Her: in the grass
6. REPORT CARD ROUND
With a 12-year old pianist:
Me: What are all these notes? (points to music)
Him: (whispers “every good boy…”) D’s. They’re D’s.
Me: And why are they important?
Him, totally serious: D’s get degrees. That’s what my older brother says.
7. GASSY SWITCHAROO
Me, failing at speaking: Tell me what you fart to steal.:::awkward silence:::I mean START TO FEEL. In your larynx. When you sing this. You can’t steal farts. That’d be weird.
8. SOUNDING LIKE A BOOB
While working the Italian aria Star vicino with a 9th grade vocalist:
Me: Start right here. On your bra. :::awkward silence::: I mean BRAMA! Start on the word ‘brama.’ Not your bra. Don’t start on your bra.
I hope everyone else screws up as much as I do.