12 Christmas Songs Re-Named by Music Teachers: Have Yourself a *Dairy-Free* Little Christmas

Dairy: every singer’s nemesis. Even more so than the alto who keeps getting all the soprano solos.

Dairy produces phlegm. Phlegm totally cockblocks singers’ vocal mechanisms.

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brain vomit…

Once it gets all up in there, it’s hard to clear it out without sounding like a diabetic cat at the end of its years…

the struggle is real, kids
the struggle is real, kids


Pavarotti likely wouldn’t have been caught dead with a tub of Fage greek (but he probably would have been able to pronounce it…DICTION).

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phlegm police…what if that were real?
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poo = true.
doesn't a body good.
doesn’t a body good.
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I eat all them all.

It’s a shame that string cheese is so portable and healthy. The ideal snack, really.

Except that it produces DEMON PHLEGM ALL UP IN MY BUSINESS

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flatulence makes the world go round.

The only way to inoculate one’s self is to just AVOID DAIRY LIKE EBOLA.


Which isn’t that difficult, as it turns out.


In case you missed my other music-related carols that I re-named, here they are:

1. Blocking Around the Christmas Tree
2. All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Row Singers
3. O, Christmas Tea ™
4. Jingle Bell Mock(Jury)

May your holidays be dairy-free and bright…

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